What is my self-talk? Am I blaming, feeling a victim, shocked by someone else’s behavior (judging)? In order to get OUT of myself, I must look deeply INTO myself. I have to be able to get out of self-centric thinking and survival mode to make any shift occur. Under pressure…the commitment in the moment is “Do No Harm” - or at least “no more harm”. I know this seems “false”, but it can prevent a terrible event from becoming an explosive one! If the situation requires my immediate response, I do my best to ask for some time, or I may even just resist trying to be right, make the other person right in the moment, and walk away so that I may process what is going on. When faced with a stressful or potentially hurtful situation with a co-worker, friend, or loved-one, the method I use goes something like this… Explore my thinking in real time, take focus off of the situation at hand and turn it inward. If I am ignoring the fact that something needs to change in my world, I can guarantee my relationships are going to suffer a loss…and an apology is probably not far behind!Īn apology is not just saying I’m sorry, but acknowledging my actions and earnestly setting out to NOT repeat the hurtful behavior. If I can keep my side of the street clean, chances are I will spend a lot less time trespassing on someone else’s. My thinking, my behavior and the company I keep are the first places to take inventory. If I can accept this in myself, why not in an- other? …courage to change the things I can… Seems a little unevolved and primitive, yet it is our instinct.
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